小北的不老歌

Monthly Archive: December 2011

名义上的休假

休假第二天,努力地想有什么事情可以做,所以很没出息地想到黑莓有点不好使了,滚珠不灵在工作的关键时刻挺揪心的,于是上午开车去中关村修黑莓。

在经历了上午十点多十一点多东三环东四环东五环然后北五环北四环的塞车以后终于到了中关村,还没进店,就接到通知,工作上有急事,于是匆匆修好手机抓了份麦当劳回家换身西装冲回办公室。再一抬头,已然凌晨三点半。

于是这是我休假的开始还是结束?

大胖子

小小南乱跑,磕在马桶沿上鼻青脸肿。小南为此编了一首儿歌,配合<两只老虎>的调子成天在家唱:

大胖子,大胖子
到处跑,到处跑
磕到马桶边上
眼眶磕出血了
怎么办,怎么办

唱了几遍以后,小小南也吐字不清地跟着唱:

大胖纸,大胖纸。。。

出差

上回出差好像还是很久以前的事情了。做并购的业务好像并没有太多的机会到各地去跑,文件的起草和谈判基本都在办公室里就做了,最多就从朝阳区跑到东城或者海淀。虽说出差累,但是可以换个环境,而且全神贯注地做一件事不被其他杂事干扰,倒也挺好。

味道

曾听人说过,感官是分层次的,仔细想来是颇有道理的。初级是视觉,一个地方、一个人,远观近看,美抑或丑,都是最先的印象。中级是触觉,好比两只蚂蚁不期而遇,会互相用触角打探一番,往往能发现视觉所不至之处,是否我族类,心之异同,一触了然。高级是嗅觉,再美再丑的事物,看久了未免疲劳,触久了多有麻木,城市和城市看起来都大同小异,人和人接触多了难免流于形式,唯有和最亲密的人和事,才有机会去熟悉气味,只要还在呼吸,每一口都可以用来体会交流。

所以,渐渐地发现,我对这座城市的认知,从一开始,觉得是一片灰黄夹杂着亮红亮蓝,到后来觉着是摸上去挺硬用力一按就会有个窟窿然后里面根本就是空的这么一大块泡沫塑料,到现在,看腻了也触惯了,每天出门,深呼吸一下,鼻腔里充斥着那带着稀释了的硫磺味的清洌,还没到办公楼便很期待大堂里空气清新剂的味道,跨进办公室就仿佛围绕在咖啡的气味中,便有一种还在熟悉又特别的环境里的那种安心。

周月季年

一周终于结束,下周还要出差。周五晚上和同事们坐在办公室里一起欢乐地吃外卖,客户临时通知本来周五晚上要做的事暂时不用做了,于是很开心地去捏脚捶背。

这个月过得似乎尤其的快,各种事情冒出来又沉下去,忙碌之间,已然三分之一过去,好像没有什么特别期待月底到来发工资买东西交房租手机费还信用卡的感觉。总是隐约记得十二月是某个人的生日,却总也想不起这个人是谁为什么要记得他的生日。

冬季的北京,需要在空气好的时候,坐在高高的楼里,开足暖气,坐在视野开阔的窗边,这样来欣赏。放眼望去,目之所及都是密密麻麻的楼房,偶尔几座比别家高的楼特别显眼,可以眯着眼去辨识是哪里的地标是东南还是西北。近处的几座大楼,也因为每天凝视,以及和里面的形形色色的人打过的交道,渐渐地从单纯的建筑物变成了钢筋玻璃混凝土和血肉灵魂的混合体,每一栋似乎都变成了个似是而非的熟人,就是每天固定遇见了也不会觉着得到什么,但哪天不见又会觉得很失落的那种。

这一年,是回国以后在北京度过的第一个完整的日历年。如果说去年因为离开北京十多年后再回来有些新奇和忐忑感的话,今年一整年,就觉得自己像落入热巧克力里的一颗M&M豆,在外面的一层糖衣被溶化分解以后,剩下的随着时间的推移就和周围完全融为一体了,因为其实材料都是一样的。

Revival

So after taking a seven month break from blogging, here I am again, alive and well. Over the past half year or so, I worked hard, I played hard, learned things the hard way,and gave some people some hard time. Many things changed, but as they say, the more they change the more they stay the same.

What stays the same is that I’m still glad that I made the choice to come back to China, perhaps even happier than i ever thought i would be. I do begin to miss the US after having lived in Beijing for almost two years, but am still sure that I would not want to go live in the US for the long term again. I miss the clean air and bright sun, less aggressive driving, awesome national parks, and Brooks Brothers on sale. But I would not give up the feeling of being home and at ease, sense of security and the feeling of being among my own people in exchange for any of those. Some people adapt to new environments well, I tend to be more conservative, and I think my training as a lawyer certainly amplified that trait.

But the principal motivation for my coming back, I realized all of a sudden, is no more. I have never claimed that I want to change the world, but believed that I would be a very happy man if I could just change a tiny corner of it. Now, on a spotless night in Beijing after the virgin snow, I am asking myself why would I even care if I couldn’t care less when the world has changed me.

So all this agony might just be self-imposed. I am readjusting to reality, and that’s a good thing. I once thought that the blog has served its purpose of sharing my experience in applying to law schools and life as a law student and a junior corporate lawyer. As I take on more responsibility and have other priorities, it is not the best idea to continue putting things down here, especially now that the circle has become considerably smaller. But then I thought it might be interesting to share aspects of the life of a returnee who has spent more than a decade in the US, to record my thoughts and see how they change over time, and that might be of interest to someone contemplating or having done the same.

So here we are.